It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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