I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
