For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
