i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
