Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
