My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
