hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
