I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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