She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize