I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
