i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
