Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
