please come you make the beer taste better
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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