Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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