omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Houston, we have a squirter
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
