new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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