I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
