worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
