Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
