I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
