ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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