I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
