That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
