im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
