you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
