so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
