I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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