I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
