I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize