saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
