I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
