I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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