saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
