why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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