he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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