wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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