I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
