Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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