Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
