i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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