the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
