On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
