Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
