if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
