i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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