Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
