I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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