im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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