holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
