Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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