youre lurking in front of me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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