Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
