It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
NoShamevember. You game?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize