is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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