Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
