I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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