drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
