So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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