i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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