i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize