I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
my liver is dry heaving
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
