Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
