my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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