Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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