i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
