I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
