first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
