Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
