I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
