I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
