I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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