i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
