She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
