At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
