well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
