Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.

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(214): View more from Texas

How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?

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(810): View more from Michigan

woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

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(206): View more from Washington

riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea

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(330): View more from Ohio

I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"

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(815): View more from Illinois

I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.

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