hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
