I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
