her vagine was all disorganized.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
