gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize