i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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