Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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