my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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