I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
worst night to have a conscience
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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