please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize