Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
