Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
