I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
