At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
