If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
