I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
