Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Whod you bang
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
