This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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