i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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