From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
